Friday, November 29, 2002

Wow... where to start? OK, really, really fast synapse of my last three months of life: I almost lost my parents, almost lost my friends, wrecked my car, lost my job, got cheated on multiple times by my ex-fiancee, lost my virginity, and almost lost God. I managed to accomplish all of this in a matter of two months.

Now I have an excellent job, back with church and with friends and am wonderfully living now with my mother. Great stuff :)

So, that is why I have created this journal. I figured that I have fallen sufficiently from God to make it worthwhile to track my journey back to God to show His amazing hand in all that I do :) I have learned that grace is far beyond man's comprehension. We can't even imagine what the full extent of it is.

Well, if you want a full history of me, I'm sorry, but that just isn't going to happen. Too long and too painful and perhaps a little too personal to publish here. Maybe some day I will write a mini-autobiography. Ha... that will be the day!

Anyway... let's get on with today. Today has been hard. I have been missing Megan a lot and I don't know why. Everything that has gone wrong because of her you would think would just make me not miss her, but I do. Perhaps I miss the good things that happened, and yes, there were good things. Perhaps two people cannot be separated totally once they have been joined, and that is the burden I shall carry for the rest of my life.

However, I have been wishing I could change the past recently. What if I could have changed the moment that changed Megan for a lifetime so that she wouldn't have come out as bad as she did? Just what if? Well, some comfort comes from the movie "The Time Machine". Yes, I know it's a sci-fi movie and la la land, but they propose an interesting theory. If time travel was possible, would we really be able to change the past totally, or would we just be able to change the method by which it happens? That perhaps satisfies me for now :)

Anyway... that's about it for tonight. I'm happy... got a new bible and a case for my PocketPC... wonderful day :) Sun was shining. You learn to take pleasure in the simple things of God once you've gone through what I've gone through. You find out that all you ever need is God. I really do believe that now. Everything else is so flaky. So very flaky.